It’s not a question most parents want to ask… but it might be the most important one.
From bedtime scrolling to unwanted contact through screens, our children are navigating a digital world that presents both opportunity and risk, often without the guidance they need to stay safe.
In a recent episode of The One Thing, we sat down with Holly-Ann Martin, OAM, founder of Safe4Kids and one of Australia’s leading voices in child protection education. What followed was a candid and necessary conversation that every parent, carer, teacher, and grandparent needs to hear.
We talked about what’s happening in bedrooms after dark.
We talked about the apps children are using when their parents are asleep.
We talked about grooming, pornography, sextortion, and the silence that too often surrounds these issues.
But most importantly, we talked about what you can do—right now—to protect the children you love.
The Statistics We Can’t Ignore
The numbers speak for themselves: according to recent Australian research, 1 in 5 children have experienced unwanted sexual contact online, and the average age of first exposure to pornography is now 11 years old. Meanwhile, 90% of children aged 8–16 have encountered pornography online, often by accident.
“The reality is that pornography has become a primary source of sexual education for many children,” Holly said.
“And we’re not having the honest conversations we need to fill that gap with accurate, age-appropriate information.”
Let’s be clear: this isn’t about creating panic.
It’s about empowering parents with knowledge and practical tools to approach this reality with clarity and care.
The Reality Behind the Screens
We often imagine danger as something external, a stranger in a van or a poorly lit street. But today’s threats increasingly arrive through the devices we’ve welcomed into our homes, disguised as innocent games, harmless social platforms, or friendly conversations.
Children as young as 8 or 9 are having private conversations via encrypted apps such as WhatsApp, Telegram, and gaming platforms. Sometimes they’re seeking attention. Sometimes they’ve been promised something in return. Often, they simply don’t recognise the dangers, because no one has explained them.
Here’s a particularly difficult truth: inappropriate contact doesn’t always come from adults posing as children. Research shows that peer-to-peer exploitation is on the rise, with slightly older children sometimes mimicking manipulative behaviours they have experienced.
Why Connection Is More Effective Than Control
While public discussions often focus on banning devices or installing parental control software, Holly emphasises that the most powerful safeguard is not a piece of technology; it’s a strong, trusting relationship between child and parent.
“If children can’t come to you about the little things,” Holly explains,
“they won’t come to you about the big ones.”
The aim isn’t to eliminate all digital risk; that’s neither possible nor realistic in the modern world. The real goal is to build resilience, awareness, and open lines of communication, so children know they’re not alone when challenges arise.
Evidence-Based Safety Strategies
Research into child protection consistently shows that preventative education works best when it becomes part of everyday family life. These are some of the strategies Holly recommends, backed by decades of child safety work:
1. Use Correct Terminology
Why it matters: Children who use accurate names for body parts are more likely to report inappropriate behaviour and less likely to be targeted.
How to apply it: Replace vague phrases like “down there” or “private parts” with proper anatomical terms. Make this part of normal conversations, not just a one-off “serious” talk.
2. Create a Safety Network
Why it matters: Children often need more than one adult they can turn to, especially if they’re scared to talk to a parent straight away.
How to apply it: Help your child identify five trusted adults they can go to if something makes them feel unsure or unsafe. Draw them out, name them together, and keep the list visible.
3. Establish Judgement-Free Conversations
Why it matters: Fear of being punished or losing privileges is one of the main reasons children stay silent.
How to apply it: Create “no trouble” zones, safe moments where children can share what’s going on without fear of immediate consequences or disapproval.
4. Start Early, Stay Consistent
Why it matters: Children who receive regular, age-appropriate safety education are better able to identify and respond to risk.How to apply it: Begin with simple conversations about body safety and boundaries. As your child grows, build on these foundations with topics like online safety and consent.
Balancing Technology and Relationships
Parental controls and monitoring software can be useful tools, but they are no substitute for connection.
“There’s no software stronger than a strong relationship with your child,” Holly reminds us. This doesn’t mean throwing out the tech. It means using digital tools alongside strong communication and consistent emotional support. A screen lock can block access, but it’s a heartfelt conversation that builds lifelong awareness.
Beyond the Home: A Shared Responsibility
Child safety isn’t just a matter for individual families—it’s a collective duty. That includes:
- Schools, delivering inclusive, age-appropriate safety education
- Technology platforms, prioritising child safety in design
- Local communities, encouraging open dialogue and child-led empowerment
- Governments allocate proper resources to prevention and intervention programmes
Taking Action: Where to Start
If this all feels overwhelming, take a breath. You don’t need to do everything at once.
Start here:
Make a simple family agreement around screens, respect, and shared values
Ask your child about their favorite game or app, and genuinely listen
Bring up body safety during everyday routines like bath time
Set a weekly check-in moment—not linked to discipline
The Bigger Picture
This conversation isn’t about trying to remove all risk from childhood. It’s about raising children who are equipped, informed, and supported.
Your child deserves more than silence. They deserve adults who are willing to show up, speak up, and support them before something goes wrong.
The digital world isn’t going anywhere. But with the right conversations, tools, and trust, our children don’t have to face it alone.
Resources to Help You Move Forward
Holly’s organisation, Safe4Kids, provides resources built with real families in mind:
🎧 Watch the full episode of The One Thing with Holly-Ann Martin
🌐 Explore Safe4Kids resources
📖 Download “Talk Soon, Talk Often” PDF
These aren’t luxuries. They’re tools to help families meet today’s challenges head-on.
💬 Start one safety conversation with your child this week
Remember: The goal isn’t perfect protection. It’s prepared children and connected families.
Comments
Safety conversation is really important. Thank you for sharing.
Very interesting piece. Raising children with grit, intelligence and assurance of a safe space is all the love they need.
Thank you for this.
This is a powerful and timely reminder that the most effective tool we have as parents isn’t an app—it’s open, honest communication. Thank you for highlighting real strategies we can use to protect our kids from silent digital threats.
You’re absolutely right: this isn’t about fear-mongering.
It’s about preparation.
Empowering parents and caregivers to step into these conversations early, confidently, and with the right tools is essential.
You’re absolutely right: this isn’t about fear-mongering.
It’s about preparation.
Empowering parents and caregivers to step into these conversations early, confidently, and with the right tools is essential.
Thanks for sharing.
It’s really important for parents to build genuine relationships/friendships with their kids. Gadgets shouldn’t take the position you’re supposed to fill as a parent.